Death from Despair

We have all felt sad, disappointed, and lonely at one time or another in our lives. Those of us who have struggled with loss, pain, isolation, low self-esteem, failure, rejection, and financial/ personal/professional stress, have experienced varying degrees of darkness and despair; it’s not a fun place to be, and not everyone makes it out alive. Some have been in such a low place that they feel their only solution to overcome this immense pain and suffering is through one final extreme act of choosing death over an unbearable life. Depression is an illness that often can be mistakenly viewed as a character flaw; a sign of weakness, or inability to cope with everyday life. The American Psychiatric Association (2018) defines depression as a medical illness that affects how one feels, thinks, and acts. It is, however, treatable; but one must be able to ask for help.

Suicide is death from despair. According to the Center for Disease Control (2018), suicide rates in the U.S. have increased 25% in the past two decades and are increasing among adults aged 45-64. Among those aged 15-34, suicide is the second-leading cause of death (CDC, 2018).

When we hear about someone we know (or know of), who has committed suicide, we are often shocked. We question why/how someone would feel so hopeless as to choose to end one’s life, while others fight so hard to press on through their own struggles to live another day, grateful to be alive. No one truly knows what others are going through; we all have our own inner demons.

Those of us in healthcare have seen the outcomes of an attempted suicide. My first experience as a young PICU nurse caring for a teenage girl who attempted suicide by hanging, was extremely difficult and heartbreaking; there was no happy ending or miraculous recovery for this young, troubled girl. This story was tragic, and yet it happens everyday. She had gone through a bad break-up with her boyfriend, and the pain and rejection led her to self-mutilation, which didn’t dull the pain deep inside of her, so she hung herself; her sister found her, and called 911. She was brought back to a life of vegetation. She wore a haunted look of pure rage, which seemed to be her only facial expression when “awake”. She had just enough brain activity to continue medical interventions. I still think about her from time-to-time when I hear of another suicide in the news, and I wonder if she ever found the peace that she was looking for so long ago. I truly hope so.

What can we do to prevent our loved ones from choosing this ultimate act of despair? First, we need to be able to recognize signs and symptoms of depression and not be afraid to ask our friend/family/co-worker if they need help, or want to talk….or even if they have ever thought about hurting/killing themselves. We need to support better medical coverage for mental health and pre-existing conditions. We need to prevent those who have mental health conditions from being able to legally purchase a firearm. And last, we need to open our eyes and recognize when someone that we love needs help; we need to support them and not judge them. “There but for the grace of God, go I”.

Linkin Park wrote a beautiful song about suicide, called One More Light (2017). The irony that one of the writers, Chester Bennington, committed suicide a year later, speaks to his state of mind and intimate understanding of the effects of suicide for the ones who are left behind to try to heal from this great loss.

Video:

One More Light (lyrics)

Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?

Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?

We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep

There are things that we can have, but can’t keep

If they say

Who cares if one more light goes out?

In a sky of a million stars

It flickers, flickers

Who cares when someone’s time runs out?

If a moment is all we are

We’re quicker, quicker

Who cares if one more light goes out?

Well I do

The reminders pull the floor from your feet

In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh

And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair

Just ’cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it, isn’t there

If they say

Who cares if one more light goes out?

In a sky of a million stars

It flickers, flickers

Who cares when someone’s time runs out?

If a moment is all we are

We’re quicker, quicker

Who cares if one more light goes out?

Well I do

Who cares if one more light goes out?

In a sky of a million stars

It flickers, flickers

Who cares when someone’s time runs out?

If a moment is all we are

We’re quicker, quicker

Who cares if one more light goes out?

Well I do

Well I do

Linkin Park (2017)

Songwriters: Brad Delson / Chester Charles Bennington / Dave Farrell / Francis White / Joseph Hahn / Mike Shinoda / Robert G. Bourdon

One More Light lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

If you, or someone that you know, are having thoughts of suicide, please seek professional help; call a friend or family member, or call the

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

 

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2018). What is depression? Retrieved from https://psychiatry.org/depression

CDC. (2018). Suicide rates rise sharply across the US, new report shows. Retrieved from https://washingtonpost.com

Linkin Park. (2017). One more light. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Tm8LGxTLtQk

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