I came across the story of an orca whale whose calf had died; she was photographed carrying her baby’s body across the sea, holding it with her nose as if it would miraculously, in time, come back to life. She carried that baby for seventeen days and 1,000 miles on a “tour of grief”, until finally, the mother whale let it go. It was heartbreaking to watch or think about, and yet many of us can relate to this feeling of loss and deep desperation.
You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice (Bob Marley)
Losing someone that you love is hard; devastating really. I thought about this mama whale because a dear friend recently lost her child; he was a very bright and successful young man, and he fell into a dark place that he could not escape. He took his own life and I doubt that he knew, or even imagined, the ripple effect that his act of despair would have on the world around him… how could he know… he was in unspeakable pain that he hid from everyone, and he felt alone. While we all pray that he has found eternal peace, his family and friends are in mourning; their world has forever changed, and there is a hole that cannot be filled; it remains empty with the ghost of a lifetime of memories; the only thing they can hold onto.
We all experience grief differently; some fall into a deep sadness, and want to push through the pain alone, while others prefer to tell their story… over and over…sharing memories to keep their lost person alive in some way. While there is not much that we can do or say to lighten this burden of grief, we can try to just “be” with them…be there, be gentle, be kind, and be a good listener.
Nurse's Notes 