Nevertheless, she persisted

This is not a political post; rather, it is quite personal to me, as I can’t help but deeply relate to the slogan, “nevertheless, she persisted“, which became popular in 2017 after Mitch McConnell condescendingly uttered it while trying to silence Senator Elizabeth Warren during the U.S. Senate vote to confirm (recently fired/resigned) Jeff Sessions as Attorney General. He did not know at the time that those words would resonate with so many women; me included… and yes, I bought the T-shirt. If you have been following my blog, you know that I was recently diagnosed with a rare spinal cord condition called Arachnoiditis. It is something that I had never heard of (even as a nurse), but it has come to be my fate after complications from my last spinal fusion in 2016. I am presently coming to terms with trying to advocate for my own healthcare needs and navigate through hours of online research to educate myself and practice patient-centered care; this time with me starring in the role of impatient “patient”.

I consider myself a (mostly) private, independent person, but I must confess that I feel so helpless… it is scary to consider how this diagnosis will affect my future, both personally and professionally. This little blog that began as a way to express myself during a time of loss, continued on with my writing from a personal perspective about my love of Nursing, has now entered into a new challenging phase of my life. Please bear with me as I stumble through this unknown territory, one day at a time.


Smiling through the Pain

Nurses are caretakers; it is our job and natural instinct to be the provider of care, and not be at the receiving end. I’ve been on the other side of the bed (as a patient) a few times… each experience was pure torture for me; I cringe when I think about the compromising positions that I have had to endure. I am a terrible patient. I have severe trust issues; when one has worked very hard to be fiercly independent, it is an uncomfortable feeling to be vulnerable. I have been living with back pain for years; after two spinal fusions, I have (almost) gotten used to it. I megadose on Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen two- three times a day, and I try to smile through it and not complain. I carry on with my day and know that others have it far worse than I do. I joke that it’s “tough to get old”, and I am fully aware that I am at the age where it is natural to feel aches and pains; but the reality is, pain can be exhausting. It affects everything that you do, or want to do; a simple trip to the Mall to go Christmas shopping becomes less fun and festive by the minute, and you eventually rationalize that gift cards will be a win-win this year, and head for the comfort of your car… and if you are being honest with yourself, you know that this is not normal.

The MRI showed arachnoiditis. I do not know what the future will bring, but I got through today, and tomorrow I will do the same.