Tag: new job

The stress of change

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I’ve spent a lot of time feeling (very) comfortable in my role as a clinical Nurse/Supervisor for more than 30 years. I got to the point in my career where it felt like “home”, walking through the hospital, with cardiac monitors alarming and call bells ringing, and the hustle and bustle of nurses and clinical staff running into patient rooms responding to help. It’s a well-earned level of expertise that gives one a feeling of confidence that strengthens your spirit, and puts you in a state of catlike readiness to handle the unexpected crisis’ that occur when you least expect it. It’s what I know, and what I love; it’s my life… well, it was my life.

But now everything has changed, and I can’t remember when I’ve ever felt this stressed-out. Between a recent surgery, selling my house in the state where I was born and raised, building a new house in a different state, and changing jobs, sometimes I don’t know where to start on my colossal list of “things-to-do”. It’s overwhelming, and I just want to press “pause” on this big, blue marble called Earth, and basically just take a long nap. My confidence level at work is at an all-time low. My new job is so different from what I have known, it challenges me in ways that I never anticipated. Being challenged is not a bad thing, but it makes me feel very uncomfortable being so inexperienced, and dare I say, “stupid”? It’s a feeling of complete vulnerability, which is the absolute worst, at least it is for me.

We all make life and career choices every day; for better or worse, and sometimes, with just a leap of faith that it’s the right thing to do. What we don’t see when we are making these difficult choices, is the future outcome. I guess that’s what is so exciting. It’s a new beginning, and sometimes the hardest things in life turn out to be the most rewarding.

It’s so hard to say good-bye to yesterday (Boyz ll Men)

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I left a really great job yesterday, where I worked with really great people… extraordinary, really. We all work really hard, with our own unique contributions (big and small), to get “our kids” strong(er)… to heal all that can be healed, to the best of our ability… and hopefully, we get to send them home to their grateful families, to carry on with their lives, and experience the gift of growing up. I will miss this special place, and all whom I was lucky enough to meet along the way. I gained so much from you Children’s Specialized Hospital, but best of all, I gained many cherished friends.

Friends make everything better… even when you’re working short-staffed, and have really bad days! I’ve worked with my great friend, Nicole, for over 21 years… we’ve seen it all, and have countless stories to tell about each other… and everyone else! She has been my one constant in every job since the year 2000. She made me a better nurse, and a better person. No matter what, she always sees the silver lining, and works tirelessly to lead by example. I will miss her the most.

It’s so hard to say good-bye. I am terrible at it. I am a cryer, so there is always an abundance of tears, and a red, runny nose, that requires fist-fulls of tissues to soak up the mess. How lucky am I that I got to work with such wonderful people, that it hurts so much to say good-bye to them?

Thank you to my friends at CSH for the beautiful flowers, balloons, and card. I love them… you are all very special to me.

On Monday, I will start a new job, with an old friend (Hi Aileen!), and I will be able to use everything that I’ve learned, in my 30+ years of nursing, to be able to advocate for the underserved, and medically-fragile, pediatric population in my (new) county, in my (new) state, of Delaware. I have spent my entire career committed to caring for children, and this new role that I have accepted will help me to take my expertise one step further, and meet the families where they live, to better assist them in getting the medical help that they need to live a healthy life, and hopefully overcome some obstacles that they may have. 

Wish me luck!

“It’s so Hard to Say Good-bye to Yesterday” (Boyz II Men)

… How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad… I thought we’d get to see forever
But forever’s gone away
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday… I don’t know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we’ve been
And what we’ve been through… And if we get to see tomorrow
I hope it’s worth all the wait
It’s hard to say goodbye to yesterday… And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday… And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Christine Yarian Perren / Frederick PerrenIt’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Starting over

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Starting over in a new job is not easy. With each job comes new staff and colleagues (or what I like to call future friends!), new policies & procedures, and new rules and responsibilities. Earning trust and respect from those in a new organization is critical to your success in your role, and ultimate job satisfaction. You have to “prove yourself” to those who don’t know you and wonder about your level of competence and skills. Merely saying that you have been a nurse for close to 30 years is not enough; you have to show them you are worthy and that you know your stuff. You look at yourself in the mirror of the restroom to make sure that you don’t have dog hair on your black pants or food in your teeth, and you silently give yourself a pep talk, “you got this!” before you walk into the crowded auditorium.

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During the excruciatingly long week of hospital orientation, I sit in a room full of young nurses, most of whom are just beginning their careers, and I feel so old. I don’t have much in common with them, but eventually we begin to talk about what brought us “here”. We all feel grateful for the opportunity to work in such a wonderful children’s hospital, so that is the common denominator, and where the glimmer of hope and excitement begin. We are all on our own individual journeys and yet we ended up together in this room…starting over, again.

grateful

I recently received a beautiful book, The Wisdom of Sundays (Winfrey, 2017), from my friend Sandra, that I haven’t been able to put down. The book has brought comfort to me during what has been a very difficult year of loss. In one of the chapters Oprah talks about grace and gratitude, and she points out that gratitude opens up a new channel within oneself where blessings can be more clearly recognized. Winfrey (2017) quotes Eckhart Tolle, “If the only prayer you say in your entire life is thank you, that will be enough”. I’ve experienced many changes in my personal life and career; for better, and for worse. With every choice I have made, I have learned something from it; sometimes that lesson is filled with sadness or regret, but mostly it is filled with gratitude and thanks.

Change can be difficult and scary, but it is inevitable; one cannot evolve or grow without it. Making changes and starting over in our professional lives can be even more precarious…especially as I am inching closer to my retirement. Fortunately, I am not afraid of change, it gives me hope that the best is yet to come.

Reference

Winfrey, O. (2017). The wisdom of sundays. New York, NY: Flatiron Books

Saying Good-bye

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I have been a nurse for many years, and in that time I have made amazing friends and memories. You tend to form close bonds with those that share common experiences… good or bad. We remember our favorite and least favorite nurses to work with, the best and worst docs, and the patients who remind us why we continue to do what we do. We mostly remember the best and worst shifts, and share stories that make us laugh, cry, or just shake our head in disbelief that that just happened. But eventually many of us move on, and decide to leave jobs that are no longer fulfilling, or the organizational leadership changes into something that you can’t support, or you decide to be brave and try something else…or a combination of the above… and we are faced with saying good-bye.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves“- Viktor E. Frankl

Saying good-bye is hard. I’m terrible at it. It is so final, and the thought of losing one more person in my life that has become important to me, especially after losing my father recently, makes it even harder. Sure, we say we will stay in touch, and see each other soon, and stay connected on social media… but it’s just not the same. It is a loss, and loss is painful.

I have made lifelong friends in all of my jobs… they are the best of the best… but yesterday I had to say good-bye to some amazing people that I have grown to love in only 3 short years. I was leaving for all the right reasons, and I was prepared to say good-bye; I had been gradually talking about my need to leave my job for a few weeks; saying it out loud to reinforce to myself that it was for the best… but that last day was the worst. I cried. A lot. It was embarrassing. No one died, and yet today, I am in mourning. I don’t feel sad about leaving the place, or the job itself (it was a very stressful environment and a helluva commute to be honest); I am sad about leaving the amazing people that I worked with and got to know on a deeply personal level. They are some of the hardest working people I know. It is not easy to work in a huge Children’s Hospital in NYC. It’s a tough place that is indisputable proof of Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” theory; only those who are able to adapt to an environment, and struggle for existence, can survive and succeed. If only I could transport these amazing people to my new job, close to home, I would do so in an instant. But it’s not possible, and it’s not about me.

I will always have this piece of my heart that smiles whenever I think about you.

GWB